Living Well – Cultivating a Fulfilling Life

So, you want more satisfaction and fulfillment in your life?

Well, then…. let’s talk about the kind of person you want to be, and what kind of relationships and circumstances you want in your life. Let’s talk about what matters to you, about meaning, about how you want to have lived – and about goals, too!

At a minimum, living well means working effectively with current pain; developing self-awareness; clarifying what is important to you; learning skills for realizing your intentions; and working effectively with seeming barriers.

Beyond this, living well can also mean experiencing the vitality of being alive. Feeling the vibrant, bubbling energy of life in you – whether you’re happy or unhappy, whether pleasant or unpleasant things are happening. There is a more grounded and durable satisfaction that is available as you live a life that is fulfilling for you.

To be clear, taking on new ways of thinking and behaving typically means we need to learn to work with the presence of discomfort. But not just any old discomfort, and certainly not simply for the sake of discomfort.

We aim ourselves in the direction of a self and a life that would be more fulfilling, more vital – and we work with the discomfort that comes from taking steps in that direction.

In short, we expand our world by expanding our comfort zone.

Frequent irritability, high levels of stress or anxiety, exhaustion or burnout, feelings of despair and/or emptiness, difficulty breaking bad habits, lack of a fulfilling social life, difficulty dealing with a significant life change, ongoing sense of dissatisfaction with work, feeling blocked in being and expressing who you truly are…

Taking on the task of living well means trying on new mental frames, developing new skills, and experimenting with new behaviors that can lead to a more satisfying, vital, and meaningful life. We may not initially believe it, but we are worth having good things in our lives.

When people come to therapy – or seek out coaching – it’s usually because there is some pain in their life.

Living well necessarily includes addressing current problems. Sometimes those problems are not being happy with who we are, our career, or our relationships. Sometimes those problems are overwhelming anxiety or depression.

We need to find constructive ways of dealing with current pain – and also clarify a new direction, and practice the “how” of moving toward a changed future. We must learn to work with our minds differently, and we must change our behavior.

We sow the seeds of our future in the present – in today’s thinking and behavior.

Making the effort on your own to build a more fulfilling life is important. Ultimately, we are responsible for our own life and growth. No one is going to do it for us.

However, when we’re stuck, it can be difficult to get out of our own skin to see we are locked into a worldview. We may “know” we need to try different approaches and behaviors, but somehow, we just can’t get ourselves going on our own. We often need help.

Counseling, therapy, and coaching can be a way to get that help.

If your difficulties in living are having significant impact on life and relationships, then it makes sense to work with a therapist. Therapists and counselors have training in working with experiences that are “very” disruptive, including suicidal thoughts, trauma, and so forth. Good coaches are commonly taught to focus on the future, goals, and behavior change – and a good therapist will help with those as well.

Good therapy and good coaching both deal with barriers to living well – and help people orient themselves to who they want to be, and to living the life they want to live.

One of the principles of living well – and sowing the seeds for a better future – is to put yourself in environments where you need to rise, where you are challenged. It’s nice when that environment combines both support AND challenge.

Therapy and coaching can provide both.

If you want to live well, then you want a therapist or coach who can help you discover what matters to you, and set goals. Someone who can help you make the mental shifts needed, learn the skills of self-awareness, and try the new behaviors that are required to cultivate a life that is more satisfying and fulfilling.

In the context of the way I work, psychotherapy, counseling, and coaching involve our collaborating to help you clarify what matters to you, and to help you cultivate the life you want.  To take on this task, we may also need to help you acquire tools for working with the disruptive presence of feelings and experiences that are leaving you feeling unmotivated, confused, or trapped.

Because my work is oriented to helping people wake up from the unconscious dream (worldview) of their life, I also view therapy and coaching as activities where we help you challenge assumptions you have about who you are – and how life is.

For example, if I am fused with a belief that “who I am leads to bad things happening”, then we may not be able to work effectively with the fear that shows up when we want to express who we are. However, if I can bring present-centered awareness to my experience, see that I have a belief, then things become more workable, and new actions can be taken. Present-centered awareness helps create a larger space to make moves toward a more vital and satisfying life.

Thus, for the purposes of living well, we strive to wake up from limiting worldviews, to attain the liberty to live well, to cultivate the life we want.

Deeper applications of present-centered awareness can lead to even more fundamental shifts in our experience of ourselves and the world. In this case, we are pursuing waking up as a practice aimed at liberation.

For a brief overview of what “waking up” means – both in the sense of increasing “liberty,” and in the sense of seeking “liberation” – check out the page on Waking Up – Discovering Natural Awareness.

If you are interested in making moves toward a more satisfying, vital, and fulfilling life, or you’d like an environment that is supportive of the agenda of self-inquiry and a more fundamental awakening– then schedule an appointment with Dr. Martin.